You first notice her smile. She’s cute. Especially when she smiles.

Then one day she isn’t smiling. So you ask her why. You listen. Really. You hear about her trouble at work. Or better yet, with her husband. You work to really understand her. She feels heard.

Someone interrupts your conversation, so you make a note to ask about it later. You sneak off to have lunch. You pick up the bill, and don’t wince at the price. You just hand over your card. She’s worth it.

This takes some planning. Some dedicated time and money. Some effort and mind-share. You put her ahead of your own priorities. She notices.

You hear about her dreams. You tell her she can do anything she wants. She’s so talented and charming. You believe it.

For bonus points, you engage with her kids. It’s tough to make time for all that, and even harder to find mind-share for it. You are a busy and important man. But she’s worth it. And the kids are beautiful. They even look like you.

And here is the real coup. Here is why your affair is a great success. While others get caught and lose their family and reputation, you’ve got it made.

She’s your wife.

Go back to the top. She’s your wife! You first noticed her smile. She’s cute. Especially when she smiles. So you set everything else aside years ago when you first met her. And she noticed. She was so impressed she picked you over every other man in the world. She said yes.

So you honor that commitment. You pick her first. You listen to her dreams. You tell her she can do anything she wants, because she’s talented and charming. And you believe it.

You sneak off to see her. You take her out to lunch. You are more engaging, wise and influential now, so you can do it even better. You engage with her kids. They look like you, because they’re yours.

Excellent work sir. You got this. Now go get it done.

Christian